Monday, May 23, 2011
From Disheartened Back to Determined
I finally became aware of the many ways that I sabotage myself when I'm losing weight and have, for the last 67 days, averted all attempts of self-sabotage. This is good news! I've been treading carefully and paying close attention and NO SELF-SABOTAGE!
Unfortunately, that's not the only form of sabotage causing me to be on alert.
My first clue SHOULD have been the number of bags he brought in from the grocery store. One doesn't really need FOUR grocery bags when purchasing ONLY some hoagie rolls and chips (being a realist, I did not expect him to bring home the food choices I would have made for the fishing excursion). I prepared the sandwiches and then noticed a few things--Hubs brought into MY HOUSE potato chips for the fishing trip AND to keep here. And tortilla chips--not the whole grain ones either, the regular ones. Upon further inspection, there are two, TWO, boxes of Ritz crackers in the pantry and TWO boxes of chocolate covered ice cream bars--the ice creams are cherry and butter pecan (AND I'm pretty sure I smelled chocolate in the candy form also).
"Why do you bring this stuff in the house?" I foolishly ask.
"Because I like it. And because the girls like to have the ice cream when they come over."
"You're trying to sabotage me."
"I'm not trying to sabotage you. You don't have to eat it."
"No. I don't. But when I'm stressed the temptation is overwhelming."
"What about my stress level?"
Now, it is true that the girls will eat ice cream IF it's in the house. And I do buy it IF I know they're going to be here to eat it and take home the leftovers.
HIS stress level? It's HIS stress level that elevates MY stress level because when Hubs is stressed, he's not happy until he's got everyone else upset (and the majority of his stress comes from his crazyashell family). Geez.
But, the "You don't have to eat it" part was a pisser. One would think (Ok, I would think) that if there was no support or encouragement anywhere else in the world that one's spouse would provide both. Sadly, no.
I'm on my own with this (except for the girls however, THEY DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE). But that's ok. Because I really feel that I can withstand it all...this time. I am determined. At least I am today.
In the past, I have personally sabotaged myself. I've also been sabotaged by a homemade oatmeal raisin cookie (seriously, my dad makes the best freaking oatmeal raisin cookies you've EVER had in your life). But I will NOT be sabotaged by anyone or anything this time.
This time, I will NOT be defeated!