Saturday, June 2, 2012

Another Modicum of Idiocy

Since Birdie was coming home last weekend and it was the first time we'd left Tucker at home AND because we didn't want Mimi to have to stay any longer than necessary (she was granddog sitting Tucker for us)--whew!--the husband and I decided to drive home after staying at the wedding reception for a couple of hours. (That's right- you don't have to be young to do dumb things).

People who are used to being asleep by 10:00 at night probably shouldn't begin a 5 hour drive home at that time. But we did. And we used the GPS on my phone to do it.

If you can tell in the photo below, the directions highlighted in BLUE is the route the husband wanted to take. It's the way we usually travel home when we're in that general area of NC. Of course, we'd never started from this particular place in NC, but still. The directions highlighted in PINK is the route mapped out for us by my GPS. They make a nice oval shape, see? And there's less than 30 minutes difference between them in the amount of time it takes to arrive home.

Which would have worked out fine. If our brains had left well enough alone.

That first stretch of road in blue- that starts near Greensboro, NC? Yeah. That's called 73 S, 220 S AND 74 E. That's right. ONE road- THREE names. The husband was not amused. And it's sort of like a 4-lane back road. No lights-except the moon. No gas stations. No hotels/motels. Just farm land. Probably really pretty during the day. Oh, and no service---or, intermittent service. At best.

So, this road goes on FOREVER and I'm not getting service. The husband continues to not be amused. He is also not amused by the signs we are seeing as to which towns we'll be traveling through...eventually. Over to my side, meanwhile, I am quietly tapping the hell out of my phone (as if that will make service miraculously appear) and yelling at it in my head. Brilliant is what I am.

FINALLY, we spot a place to pull off- it's closed, but there is light.

The husband: "I don't think this thing is taking us in the right direction."
Me: "It's just not taking us home the way you're used to going."
The husband: "I think it's taking us WAY out of our way to get home."
Me: "I think you're letting your mind focus too much on the signs instead of just letting the GPS do it's thing."
The husband: "Fine. But I think it's a piece of crap." (He really did say crap. We had not yet entered the cursing phase).

He gets back on the road and we continue on.

When we finally hit civilization, the husband's lack of amusement intensifies. Greatly.

The husband: "What the fudge (no, he did not say fudge)?! We're in (explicative) ROCKINGHAM?!
Me: (crickets)
The husband: What the hell are we doing in (explicative) ROCKINGHAM?!
Me: (crickets- but thinking: What the hell are we doing in (explicative) ROCKINGHAM?!

Meanwhile, my phone is about to die. Yep. Insult to injury. Are you wondering why I didn't just plug in into the car charger? Well, I'll tell you why I didn't just plug it into the car charger. Because DoodleBug never returned the car charger when she borrowed it to go to All Good last summer THAT'S why. So I have to go in and out of the navigation app over and over again.

The husband wants to look at a 'real' map.

The husband: "I need to look at a map."
Me: "Ok, get one when you get coffee." (This is our first stop for coffee because, up until this point, there have been zero opportunities for coffee stoppage)
The husband: "I think there's one in the side pocket of the door."
Me: "Great." (thinking to myself--what year was it made?)

He looks at the map but says little to nothing. 

The phone GPS is still telling us to stay on the same road. We're going in the right direction. I tell this to the husband who replies with, "Hrmph." Or something like that. We continue. And we're back in the middle of nowhere. To turn around would mean going back at least an hour in the other direction.

We come to another civilized area and pull into a gas station. The husband wants to look at the map. Again. Because, you know, the roads might have changed since the last time he looked.

And it is decided that we will NOT continue as per the GPS instructions but, rather, go about 50 minutes off the track and then, now get this---right down to the very town that the GPS was sending us where we would take I-95 (which is a straight shot to I-26 which is a straight shot into Charleston).

See the map below? We were in Bennettsville and just needed to head straight down to Florence and hit I-95. He wants to go over to Dillion and THEN down to Florence.    

Guess who's cursing now?

Anyway, we made it home by 3:00 am. Which was only about an hour and a half later than we should have arrived. Of course, some of this is attributed to the 4 stops for coffee. And then the stops for letting the coffee out. And let me just say, once again, that it is totally unfair that guys can pee anywhere.

Tucker was delighted to see us. Mimi---well, she had been up at 3:00 am the previous morning welcoming Birdie home so....

I was up at 7:00 am to walk Tucker and make the breakfast that DoodleBug asked me to make in honor of Birdie's arrival.

You remember DoodleBug. The one who still has the phone charger for the car? Don't worry. We have a new one now. The husband bought it during a coffee stop so I could charge my phone. Just before we got on I-95. You know, just in case.


  1. Some men just don't travel well.

    Glad you're home safely.

  2. Gail- Ha! That's for darn sure. LOL

  3. Oh, I know I shouldn't laugh, but I'm going to anyway! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! You described that journey from hell so well, that I actually thought I was in that car with you, Pam!! I bet you were SO relieved to pull up, finally, at your house. Yes, I agree with you totally, it's totally unfair that men can 'wee' anywhere!!! Hope you've recovered by now.

  4. Diane- Thank you! It was crazy and I can laugh about it now. At least until I have to get in the car with him again. Sigh. Hope you are enjoying your special weekend!

  5. We had a very similar experience last summer. We were trying to use my phone's GPS to navigate from a wedding somewhere near Charlotte back to our hotel in Charlotte. What should have been a 30 minute trip turned into a 90 minute debacle that ended sometime around 1 a.m. What I learned from that is to take my old Tom-Tom GPS as backup to use when my phone is out of service which is common in rural areas.

  6. Vicki- Charlotte is so crazy anyway! I was born and raised in the area and I hardly recognize it now. It's true that service is limited in rural areas- which is fine...when you know you're going to be in a rural area. LOL

  7. I think our husbands are so similar! This sounds so much like our trips, but we haven't mastered the phone GPS yet, it's just a hand held map and me telling hubs where to go...hahaha ...and we usually end up mad at each other!

  8. Betty- LOL...telling him where to go!!! That's a riot! It won't be any better with the GPS, apparently. :)

  9. Too funny - and very brave of you both. I'm not very GPS-trusting. Even an out-of-date map would make me happier. Besides, I'm way smarter than any phone. Aren't I?

  10. I loved your story, you write so well, and it's so funny, I really wish I could laugh..
    Thank you so much.

  11. Stephanie- My mother would definitely agree with you on that. She will take a map any day over anything else! She'll also tell you she's smarter than a phone. :) Those of us with no sense of direction, on the other hand...LOL

    Alessandra- Thank you! If I ever get a laugh out of you, I will feel as though I have accomplished something wonderful! Thinking of you every day!

  12. I think that the lesson here might have been to have called someone to have taken care of Tucker and stayed in a hotel. It is just not emotionally healthy to be doing something tense like driving in unfamiliar territory at that time of the night. Seriously. I know that some of my worst anxiety has stemmed from just these sort of situations. In hindsight, it would have been worth a night in a hotel room. Those sayings like, "It will all look better in the morning," stem from just this sort of thing.

    BTW, thank you for the encouraging story about your neighbor and their dog. Right now Shelby is still hurting, but she is getting up and around. We are all taking that as a good sign. I think that once the healing has happened around her incisions, she will really bounce back.

  13. Robin- We did leave Tucker with my mother. She came to the house and stayed with him. Our thing is this- we get an idea in our heads and we go with it. I think it's called being stubborn as hell. LOL But I know what you mean! I'm sure Shelby will be fine! Dogs are so resilient! Please keep us updated on her progress!

  14. Sounds like a HORRIBLE night. Glad you guys got home in one piece - at any one of those coffee stops you guys could have wound up in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

  15. That was a great trip and I am so glad you made it home. We took one trip like that following the GPS we saw the best scenery and things I never knew existed. Did you know here in California somewhere is this giant place to catch people trying to get into California illegally? It's huge with flashing lights and we weren't even near the border. I have never seen it again because we haven't used GPS anymore. :)
    You made me laugh and laugh.
    Oh and yes, I have always wanted to be able to go to the bathroom anywhere. I always felt ripped off
    about that too. :) Great Post!!!

  16. When Bruce was driving truck when we first moved to Charleston, we traveled all over NC, SC and GA. I went with him a lot because I couldn't find a job. My job became his "co-pilot". Can I tell you how lost this man would have been had it not been for me? I did NOT have a GPS but I had maps and a great sense of direction. Why do men insist on being pig-headed? This was hysterical and I always say that men have it made when it comes to traveling! Hugs.

  17. omgosh--well we have found our phone gps, doesn't know what's it's talking about most of the time--glad ya made it back home:)

  18. Cathy- Let's just say I'm glad it's over. I don't do tired and sleepy very well. I'm glad I wasn't thinking about the Twilight Zone that night! LOL

    Kim- I did not know that. Maybe it only exists when using a GPS. LOL

    Barb-That's it. From now on, I travel with you. :)

    LP-Thanks! I'm glad too! And so is Tucker. :)

  19. OH!! Thankyou!! I laughed so hard!!

  20. I hate that feeling of being lost and unfortunately I feel that feeling a lot because I lack a sense of direction. Oh, and you are right it worse at night and late at night.

  21. Lucy- I lack a sense of direction too. I can't find a place if it's in a straight line. LOL


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