Friday, June 14, 2013

Wedding Hell...I Mean Planning

The wedding business is a racket. A scam.

Weddings seem to have become a competition of who can throw the showiest event. It's about showing off and drinking and partying and spending money.

I'm not a fan. I wasn't a fan while planning Breezy's (though her's was easier--she knew exactly what she wanted) wedding and, while planning Birdie's, I've found that I am still not a fan.

It's like dragging me kicking and screaming all the way. And you can't even imagine how much restraint it takes on my part to keep my trap shut when a vendor utters something like, "You can do anything you like at our venue to make your love story YOURS." Gag.

But we mothers do things for our kids, don't we?

The last 4 Saturdays have found me doing something wedding related---bridesmaids dress shopping, venue touring, wedding dress shopping, florist consultation, DJ/photobooth meeting, caterer tasting, the's never ending.

And, while most of the people with whom we meet are very nice, I can't stand it when they spout stupid, rehearsed phrases that they use on everyone. Drives. Me. Nuts. ESPECIALLY when they make such a big deal out of it and then FAIL TO EMAIL YOU THAT CONTRACT INFORMATION.

Which really doesn't matter so much since the kids have changed their minds about the venue. Again.

And then there was the trip to Mens Warehouse to check out the tuxes. Which we found. We also found the PERFECT bow ties to accompany said tuxes which the groom purchased for groomsman gifts. And promptly received a call from the idiot clerk at Mens Warehouse the next day to inform us that the ties weren't available. WTH? HOW did he not have this information when we were in the store????

One of the best things about wedding planning in an empty nest? There aren't any little kids around to hear the words that are coming out of my mouth. Ha!

Oh and then there are  all the vendors you've contacted and set up appointments  with and given the date of the wedding which has now changed back to the original date which had to be changed when two of the venues were not available on the original date. Which means the vendors might not be available now. Good thing no contracts have been signed.

The husband? He's so helpful and supportive.

Him: What are y'all doing today?
Me: Shopping for bridesmaids dresses.
Him: Oh, well I heard on the news that Target is selling bridesmaids dresses and are offering really good deals on them.

Yep. Target. I've seen the dresses. They look like they're from Target. And then, on GMA this week, I saw that Target is offering wedding dresses as well. They showed pictures of designer gowns and then had models come out with the Target equivalents. These dresses were NOTHING alike and the Target ones looked like they were from Target.

Not that I am a supporter of designer brands, but I'm also not a fan of wearing a wedding gown that looks like something K-Mart threw up. It's a wedding NOT prom night.

We do have Birdie's dress. It was created by a designer and it did cost more than the Target dresses. Though is was under $500. Woot!

At this point in time I'm thinking that, since she has procured the dress, they could very well elope.

Or else someone needs to share their Valium prescription.

I'll keep y'all posted.


  1. This right here is why God gave me five boys and only one girl. I could never do this more than once. I dread it, and my daughter is only 14. I raise my glass to you!

  2. I'm sure everything will come together and the wedding will be absolutely beautiful, but I certainly don't envy you going through all this. Takes some of the joy out of it somehow, doesn't it?! My youngest daughter's wedding two years ago was quite a simple affair, but it was beautiful in every way, and it was just THEM!!! At least, the wedding dress has been sorted. That's got to be quite a relief!!

  3. Aw well, what can I say, I am still not over it yet. Still waiting for the photographer to deliver one single proof. I was glad when the day was finished and all was complete, but you are right, just going in one of the Bridal stores was enough to praise God the next three are boys. :)
    All I can say, is well, keep your humor. :) Oh and forget about having money. You know, it is highly over rated having two cents to call your own. :) Hang in there girlie. :)

  4. I think I could have written this post myself.

    My daughter's date is in April, and this stuff ain't my thing.

    At least you found a dress, and it's under $500. I'd consider that a victory.

    And that"make your love story YOURS" line - Oh my God. I'm embarrassed for whoever's mouth that came out of!

  5. coop- I wouldn't trade even this for sons...I have three brothers. LOL It's hell on earth, this thing they call wedding planning.

    Diane- This one is going to be way smaller and simpler than Breezy's but it's still wedding planning and I still hate it. LOL

    Kim- Can we just come out there and have it at your house? PLEASE?! :)

    me- I'm embarrassed for my ears that heard it. LOL

  6. I love this!! I have now planned TWO weddings and will be planning one VERY soon as well. Our third daughter hasn't announced it yet but, we KNOW it is coming. So when you get those valium pills...can you fed ex some my way? Or maybe you and I need to open a bottle of something red and laugh about it all! ;)

  7. Please don't take offense, but I am so glad it's you and not me! (at least not yet haha)

  8. You have me laughing right along with you!! OH wait!! You werent laughing!! Find a big open field, have everyone bring a chair and a covered dish!!

  9. Now that I am divorced, I feel much differently about Weddings. Totally Overrated. I would NEVER spend money on a Big Wedding again. Save that money for your Big Life. Ha.

  10. Melody- This is my second one and I'm so over it. LOL I will certainly fed ex them to you---please do the same should you get them first. LOL

    Cathy- None taken! LOL

    Deb- Hahaha I'm trying to laugh, I really am. Hey, don't think I won't do just that! :)

    Robin- That's what I'm saying! LOL

  11. Ah, I can only imagine and all those tiny details because the devil is in the details and that is what drives you insane.

    Lucy from Lucy's Reality

  12. Lucy- That's why we have Bestie as a wedding planner. She's good with the details. And with telling the devil where to go. LOL

  13. Makes me realize how glad I am that I had an informal wedding at a Justice of the Peace and reception for 35 at a beautiful home of my son's godmother. The only thing I had to "plan" was a few roses and a cake!! Oh and of course the champagne...Lots of champagne!!

  14. I totally feel ya. I'm twisted enough to watch all those wedding dress shows on tv, just to see all these women and their families lose it over a dress, flowers, food, you name it. I say you should seriously consider elopement, either theirs or yours...:)

  15. Please do keep us posted -- and hang in there! It's so stressful, isn't it? My best friend from college had three of his four children get married in the past year and though each wedding was relatively modest, but very beautiful and personal, the money and stress were still very much there. I hope that all those details don't overshadow the love and commitment of your daughter and her beloved.

  16. My daughter was 29 when she got married, and she didn't want a big wedding so we just gave her the money to do with what she wanted.
    Weddings these days have gotten so out of hand. What happened to just having cake, punch, and mints?
    Even the showers are the same way.

  17. Your title to this post is so RIGHT ON!! I just went through it and I´m so glad I never have to do it again.
    Don´t you just hate it when they constantly change their minds?!

    I hope once you have all the details ironed out you can start to look forward to the day.


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