Thursday, June 19, 2014

Rules for Being the MOB

As in Mother of the Bride. And I guess these are more like tips than rules but, some of them probably should be rules.

I've been the Mother of the Bride twice now. No, this does not make me an expert. But it has served to give me insight into some important things to remember when entering into this important role. I never had trouble going in thinking I was going to make the decisions. When you have a control type parent, you tend not to be one yourself. (Though I am a control freak in other areas of life...LOL). But, as I have come to realize from having a bestie who plans weddings, there are mothers out there who do. To those moms I say, "GET OVER IT."

Did I think all of my girls' ideas were great? No. Did each wedding turn out perfect? Yes. Because it was their own, individual style. We've had extravagant to laid back and both were just perfect! And fun! So let your daughter have it HER way.

The Tips:

  1.  It's not YOUR wedding. Even if your lovely daughter wants things that you believe won't work, it is HER wedding. Let her do it HER way. YES, even if you are paying for it. Besides, if you bide your time, she'll probably ask you and maybe even agree with you. If not, so what? It is HER wedding.  
  2. Get a wedding planner OR, at the very least, someone you trust who is experienced in these matters. They will get you deals that you can't get on your own and relieve a tremendous amount of stress. AND, they might be able to help you deflect those ideas you think are not that terrific since the thought is coming from someone other than you. 
  3. If your daughter does not want to have a photo-booth, get one anyway even if you make it a surprise. She'll be glad you did when all is said and done. Those things are a total BLAST!
  4. If there's trouble, try to keep it away from your daughter. Sometimes people will try to step in and upset the apple cart. Smack them out of the way and put that thing back in order before she sees it and gets all upset.  
  5. Keep your opinions to yourself UNLESS she specifically asks for them. If she's open, you can show her options that she may not have been aware of but don't force the issue.  
  6. Make sure the photographer didn't take 1600 photos BEFORE you promise you'll make photobooks on Shutterfly for your daughter so she can give them to the grandparents for Christmas.
  7. If you think no one is going to step up and host the bridal luncheon for your daughter, step up and do it yourself. It's a lovely event and she'll appreciate it greatly.
  8. You're all set and head out to the wedding venue. Take a second Mother of the Bride outfit just in case you suddenly don't really like the one you thought you would. Or, you discover that, since no one consulted you on their attire, you discover that they are all under dressed leaving you over dressed. 
  9. RELAX. If you get all stressed and tense about things not going your way, you'll miss out on all the fun! Because she'll leave you out of it. As well she should since IT IS NOT YOUR WEDDING.  
  10. Be willing to help where you are needed and let her carry the ball where you are not.
  11. If someone needs to be the bully when a vendor isn't being...professional, you step in. Handle it without anyone's knowledge or let your planner step in. I've always told my girls they are welcome to use me as the 'Wicked Witch of the East' and that holds true to this day. I don't mind stepping in and taking the blame, but leave my girls alone. Ya know?
  12. If you have a blog, make sure the vendors know this. And that they will be reviewed on said blog. For all your 5,000 plus readers. Yes, it's OK to exaggerate that number. They won't know until they read the review IF they read it. Y'all know that almost all of our vendors got rave reviews and each of the emailed me with their gratitude. It works both ways. 
  13. Try to impress upon your daughter the importance of the wedding pictures--you know, offer to pay for them and get someone reputable. Otherwise she might hire someone (affordable) who took pictures at her future SIL's wedding and, when you get them back, you'll discover his aren't any better than the ones you took yourself.
Yes, I speak from experience. I'll never attend daughter's wedding without a second outfit and I will offer to pay for the photographer. The first time around it wasn't an issue as we foot the bill and Breezy was fine with whomever I chose. This time, Birdie (alias: Ms Independent), wanted to pay and plan. Though she was very grateful when Bestie offered to plan with her. We were all grateful for that. LOL

My girls and I have had no real issues with wedding planning. I'd say 99% of it has been all fun! Not bad odds at all. I think it's mainly because I do respect the fact that it is their wedding, not mine. That would even be the one tip I would post if I had to limit said tips to only one. 

Have you ever been Mother of the Bride? What are your tips?


  1. I've been MOB twice also. Here's my two cents:

    If there is a newbie 'best woman' make sure she has the grooms ring so the guests don't have to wait 1/2 hour or more for someone to go get it.....or convince the bride to pretend with someone else's ring.

    Don't question the photographer even if they said to speak up if you want a certain photo done a specific way because that will annoy the bride who will then decide that she doesn't want an audience during picture taking.

    Totally agree with #1 rule: NOT YOUR WEDDING.
    I told both my daughters numerous times that it was their wedding and they could do whatever THEY wanted. Had to say this to a few people too...future MIL included!

  2. Great post! I have been MOB twice and once with the groom. So Three times I have done this and will do it three more times. I think it is all very fun. It is true you need someone to tell you when things need to be done and by whom.
    I tend to just let everyone do what they are good at and hope I fade into the background.
    I am not ready for another wedding right away, but I wish I had your list for the first wedding. I think I have learned this pretty much through trial and error. Now if you had any helpful hints on managing in laws from Hell that might be helpful. Dealing with the other side it so tough.

  3. Pam…love the list! I agree on it all. I wish I had thought to ignore the photo booth negation of my daughter. That was the one thing I couldn't get her to agree to and I've always loved those. Sigh…
    If all that we disagreed on was that I'll count my blessings! We had a blast doing her wedding together. We had a wonderful wedding planner and he DID SAVE US A TON OF MONEY! He got vendors to bring prices down.
    The main thing to remember is no matter what does or doesn't happen it is still a special day and memories will be made. Beautiful memories. Your way of parenting so mirrors mine. I always said I could be the excuse any time for my kids when they didn't want to do something…also told them I was the brick wall they needed if they were about to do something I knew was going to affect their lives negatively for a lifetime. They thanked me for being the brick wall once they got past the time they were testing boundaries, lol! Yes all your tips are spot on and fantastic! One thing I've alway done for my newlywedded children returning from the honeymoon (that live in town) is stock the fridge and pantry for them right before they return. Lets them enjoy being 'married' in their place for at least one more day without having to go out and shop for groceries. Breakfast lunch and dinner food…they all loved it! I made sure I was no where around once they were home and f if we were picking them up from airport let them know we would drop them off and depart without coming in. Need to expand that honeymoon as long as they can!

  4. Cindy- I don't have to speak to the photographer. I take care of that before hand and no one is the wiser. LOL Oh yes, I've had to say it to some people too about it not being their wedding. I'd rather have them angry with me than the bride anyway. :)

    Kim- Ah, the in laws. That's one that we'll have to email about in case anyone reads the blog. LOL

    Sush- What a fantastic idea! I love that you do this for them! Wish I had thought of it but, oh well. Maybe with the next two. LOL Yes! Yes! Yes! I told mine the same thing about the brick wall too. I'm the same way about the ones living nearby. I stay away unless invited. I don't want to be one of 'those' MILs. LOL

  5. All excellent tips!! I used to own a little bakery, called The Wedding Cake. Dealing with MOBs was the worst part of the job. Brides want one cake, flavor, colors, nixes it and gets what she wants, instead. Happened over and over. Your are so right - it is the Bride's day/wedding. Support, suggest, but let the bride decide!

  6. Terri- I have to say that I strongly dislike MOBs like that. How stupid/selfish can they get. Sheesh. I don't know how you did it.

  7. Great tips! Nothing to add on my part. Laughed out loud on Nr. 6! I too wanted to make a photobook on shutterfly from an album of 1000+ know the rest!

  8. All great tips! Love the one about reviewing them on your blog! :-) And yes, I've been mother of the bride twice. Fortunately, both of our daughters are easy, low-key, no-fuss girls (women)and not Bridezillas, as I hear some are.

  9. Betty- I've been working on these dang things all week long for at least 7 hours/day. I am not having a good time. LOL

    Judy- Both of mine so far have been great too. Breezy was sort of a 'do anything that looks like an enchanted forest' and Birdie wanted to do hers all by herself. Not one single time did any of us argue about anything. Is that some sort of record? LOL

  10. I haven't been there yet with my daughters, but since one is an event management major, I'm expecting an easy time. Famous last words.

  11. Joyce- Famous last words is right! LOL


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