Sunday, May 13, 2018

When Mother's Day Takes a Wrong Turn

Mother's Day is certainly a good day for family gatherings and visiting, sharing, laughing... Our family has been known to do this on Mother's Day and other special days as well, and we look forward to these times, especially when we can all be together. Except when that special day takes a wrong turn. Which Mother's Day did for us this year.

Most of you might remember that Mother lived with me for 4 months last year, and we got her right back to her independent state, and she was able to go back home, which is what she wanted to do. In the last month, and particularly the last few weeks, her health decided to decline and on Wednesday, May 9, 2018 she was called home. We celebrated her life yesterday and got smacked in the face with Mother's Day today.

Not exactly the way we wanted to spend Mother's Day weekend. Not even close.

Instead of focusing on the sad side I want to share the upside of the weekend, because there were upsides and because that's the way she would have wanted this post to go.

The upsides of saying goodbye on Mother's Day weekend:

  1. The reminiscing. And did we ever reminisce.  For hours. Talk about something being therapeutic goodness but that's exactly what all our reminiscing did for us. It didn't matter if a tale someone told was one we'd heard one thousand times before we laughed like it was the first time. We remembered and shared and laughed til we cried tears of joy/sorrow if you know what I mean. Mostly joyful tears because we got to be her family. 
  2. Family members reunited. How does it happen sometimes that family members become estranged? I don't know, life happens and BAM. Yes, it's sad it takes something like this to bring folks around but instead of focusing on the why we chose to focus on the joy of the reconnecting. And now those who have drifted away are back in the fold. 
  3. Visiting with extended family. Have I mentioned that Mother's side of the family is rather large? I've written about our family reunions in the past but a family funeral is almost like a family reunion because everyone who can come, comes and we talk and share tales and laugh like crazy people and we surround one another the kind of love I would hate to have lived my life without. Mother LOVED that extended family and they LOVED her. So do we. Family is better than anything. Even when they're crazy. Which we are but we like it that way.
  4. You realize it's not the day but the times that make life special and dear and you are extremely grateful for the time you were allowed to have with your mother and even though she's gone she instilled life lessons to get you through in good times and bad. 
It's a short list because even when you choose to focus on the positives you still had to deal with saying goodbye to your Mother on Mother's Day weekend and it is not pleasant. 

I did love having everyone together. You feel you can survive anything when all your babies and their babies are with you at the same time.


And you know your mother would love watching the youngest member of the family get a drum lesson from his Uncle DrummerBoy--


And become a Wild Feathers fan ---


And get dressed up for the farewell---


And she most definitely would have enjoyed our laughter because tears are to be shed for only a moment and laughter every day. 


Farewell, Mimi, we will carry your legacy of standing tall and strong, of putting family first, of loving to our fullest, of being fiercely supportive of one another, of fighting against social injustices, of finding a reason to laugh in every situation, of that strong work ethic, of putting others ahead of ourselves, of not noticing the color of a person's skin, of being loyal and trustworthy, of always learning something new, of always finding the good in others proudly forward:


Mother (left) and Aunt Betty




Mother and me




23 comments:

  1. So sorry to read of your loss, Pam. Thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time. I’m sure you will always speak of Mimi with much love, fond memories, and, yes, laughter. I hope it was peaceful at the end, Pam ❤️

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    1. Thank you, Diane. We're back home now and everything is a bit too quiet. It was peaceful for her in the end and we're all grateful for that.

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  2. I know your hearts are full of love and also sadness right now. Wish I could pop in and give you a hug, Pam. Keep on remembering. I know you will.

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    1. I wish you could, too. :) Thank you, Terri.

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  3. Pam, I am so sorry to hear about your mother's passing. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. ((Hugs)) Thank you for sharing the lovely photos.

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    1. Thank you. We really thought she was going to rally back and be able to go back home but that just didn't happen.

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  4. My heart hurts and I am so glad you have the girls around you. In spite of it all I hope you have a lovely day.

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    1. Thank you, Kim. It certainly did help to have all the girls around but now it's a bit too quiet. We did enjoy being all together and had a nice time on Mother's Day with promises of a better time next year. :)

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  5. Sending oh so much love to you and yours. I see where the strong love of family and nurturing comes from. Hold close to your memories and all those dear Lovelies. Holding you in my heart dear one.

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    1. Thank you so much. Even though the reason was sad having everyone together made it so much easier to handle.

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  6. No time is a good time to lose a parent, especially when one is close to their parent I know one day it will happen but I hope it is a long way off. I hope you are all coping ok with your loss

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    1. So true. We're a very close family and this only brought us closer thankfully. I'm not sure how I'd handle this without the closeness we share.

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  7. I am so sorry Pam. I’ll be praying for you and your family.

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    1. Thank you, Cathy. I really appreciate the prayers. :)

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  8. Wishing you and your family comfort and strength in this sad time.
    I very much like this line you wrote: "And she most definitely would have enjoyed our laughter because tears are to be shed for only a moment and laughter every day."
    We all need laughs.

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    1. Thank you. Things are a bit overwhelming right now but I'm sure we'll make it through. WE do need laughs. :)

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  9. There is no greater gain than the memories that spill forth in our tears. In your sadness lies the string of words that saunter through your grief, that pat you on the shoulder to say she is still with you, and that allow the first hint of laughter after the hurt. She is proud of the strong women you have added to this mixed up world, just as she sent you forth into the world to do what good you have done. I will always remember the too-short afternoon when you took me to meet her; her intellect humbled an arrogant young man and taught him ways to be better and to treat women better. That lesson lives on in me, and I join you in missing her.

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    1. Thank you, Ron. You are a shining light in my world. I'm grateful for you every single day.

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  10. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers and if we lived closer, I'd bring you a casserole . . .such a southern thing to do!

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    1. It is a southern thing to do and people have been doing just that. :) Thank you!

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  11. I am sorry for your loss, Pam. And yes, sometimes it takes something major like that to reunite a family. I too love having all the kids and grandkids around me. I would hope that every mom would. xo

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    1. Thank you, Judy. I would hope every mom loves having them around, too.

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  12. So sorry Pam ♥ I've seen the loss of a loved one bring "long lost" or "mad at each other" family members back together. I'm glad you have your girls and grandbabies ♥

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Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! It makes me feel connected to everyone even though we may live far apart! Have a wonderful day!

 
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