Saturday, September 8, 2012

Fifty Shades of KA-RAY-ZEE

I've finished the first of THOSE BOOKS and am halfway through the second one and I am shocked, ashamed AND confused to say: I'm hooked.

It's true. I'm there. And it didn't take that long. Believe it or not, there is a storyline in Fifty Shades of Grey and things are heating up in Fifty Shades Darker. And I'm not referring to the sex parts.

Nope, there's intrigue in these books. There are dark, deep-rooted, psychological issues. There are scars from a childhood so terrifying that it makes the reader angry. There is such a deep embedded sadness that the reader cannot help but shed a tear or two while reading. There's even a message of love. Not to mention these are the easiest reads I've had all summer long--you do NOT have to engage your brain to read these books.

Oh, and there's porn.

Yep. There's some explicit porn scenes in there that are so disturbing I learned quickly that reading for content is the way to go- I skim those parts and read the rest. I skim quickly. Speedy quick. It's just a little TOO raw for me. Well, most of it anyway.

There are a few phrases and words that, no matter how quickly I skim, jump out at me anyway from THOSE PARTS. And, when I hear one of those words or phrases throughout the day, my face gets hot. Yep, I blush. Not because the words or phrases themselves are bad---but because of the content in which they were used in THOSE CERTAIN PARTS of the books. Like on the news, when I hear things like:  
  • "...couple handcuffed by police..."
  • RAW footage
  • "Here's chef....something that's always hot and tasty.."
  • "When you finish, you'll know you've been worked out..." 
And the writing? UGH. The grammar is horrific what with the mixed up tenses and the sentence structure is...there is no structure to the sentences, never mind. Then there's the fact that it seems the author sat down with a Thesaurus and picked random words she thought would make her seem smart... Somewhere along the way I adjusted to it by subconsciously choosing to ignore it.

I'm pretty sure readers have to do that with every romance novel though, right?

The characters pretty much follow along the same lines as those in other romance type novels. Surprisingly (or maybe not), my two favorite characters are NOT the two main characters. My favorites are not even really characters, per se, yet I find them to be an integral part of the books. They are the main character's subconscious and her inner goddess. I've actually been caught laughing out loud and asked, "What? Porn is funny?" Nope. But Ana's subconscious and inner goddess are hilarious.
  • "My inner goddess is doing the Merengue with some salsa moves."
  • "My inner goddess jumps up and down with cheer-leading pom-poms shouting yes at me."
  • "My subconscious purses her lips and mouths the word, 'ho.' "
My favorite parts of the books are the emails between the two main characters. I do so enjoy playful banter. And their emails are full of just that. I have quite enjoyed that part of the first two books so far.

So, will I read all three books even though they are poorly written? Yes. Even though they contain porn? Yes. Even though it's a typical-ish romance novel? Yes. I have to now because I have to know how it all turns out--you know, will love conquer all, coupled with the fact that I can't stand to leave something unfinished...even a poorly written romance novel (containing porn), trilogy.

I know it's smut. I'm quite aware. But, sometimes, Henry James is just more than I care to take on.


  1. Hi Pam. I love playful banter as well! I really thought that I had to give these books a go, to see what this publishing phenomenon was all about. Like you, I thought the writing was appalling in the first of the series (and repetitive!) , but the second one was definitely better as more characters started to appear. The third book had a real story line to it, and I enjoyed it. I think a lot of people skimmed over certain parts of it!

  2. Now that you've given me the l know down, I'll pass...thanks...:)JP

  3. That's the joy of living in a free country. You can read whatever you want of whatever anyone else wants to write.

    I get the blushing part...I have to avert my eyes in some movies!

  4. I am laughing out loud because this post is exactly how I felt about "those books". I blushed and was shocked through the first book, but there is an intriguing story behind the porn. It draws you in, despite your resistance to admit it publicly. The psychological issues are fascinating. Plus, what woman hasn't believed they could "change or fix" a man at least once in their life?

  5. Since I don't read very often I know it will be sometime before I read these. I know people are loving them but I'm just not sure I can deal with the porn parts.
    Thank you for sharing your opinion.

  6. Diane- I agree! I'm halfway through book 2 and it has gotten better. Well, not necessarily the writing but the intrigue! I will definitely read all three!

    JP- Yeah, it's not for everyone. That's for sure. If you change your mind, just put your skimming skills to good use. LOL

    Stephanie- I do the same thing during some movies! And this book. LOL

    Betty- They are so easy to read. It takes no time at all! Especially when you skim THOSE PARTS. LOL

    Kim- EXACTLY! That's one thing I want to know---can Ana 'fix' Christian? DON'T TELL ME though! LOL

    Debby- Skim those parts! It's easy! I tried to read them but it was just too disturbing. You're welcome! :)

  7. You skim over the porn parts? I'd hate to have you to purse your lips and mouth the word 'ho', but I found those were the only parts worth reading! ;)

  8. Glad to have an honest opinion on these books. I'm not much for romance books, but kept hearing about them. The minute you said the grammar was horrible I knew I could never stand to read it. Thanks.

  9. Kara- LOL Ok, I skimmed over a lot of it. :)

    living- I was being kind when I wrote 'horrible.' LOL

  10. Note to self: save some money and do not purchase this stupid ass book, just wait for Pam to tell you if love (or lust I guess) conquers all. I can't stand poor grammar, why is writing a book if she doesn't know how? Some people should be told early on they have no talent. Ugh! :)

  11. You know for years guys have always said they read Playboy for the articles. Maybe you can believe them now? Myself, magazines are too expensive and time consuming so I never had a subscription. I've read an article or two.
    "inner goddess" - I have seen that mentioned often - I'm a little confused. Is it like an inner spirit that acts like a goddess? Do you think I could find one in the old Playboys?

  12. Alessandra- I'll be in touch. I just finished the second book and I don't have my answers yet. Two down, one to go!

    Bill- I don't know about the Playboy issue...the books don't have pictures. LOL The inner goddess, in some of us, is rather...well, let's just say they're open to things that we are not ordinarily open to. Make sense? Oh, in Playboy? Pretty sure you can find one there. LOL

    Plum- I'm so glad you caught the humor! Thanks!

  13. FYI I gave this post a shout-out today

    thanks for the idea

  14. I am so glad you gave me your link. I am going to skip reading this book you pretty much confirmed what my daughter said. She is an avid reader and she thinks they are so poorly written and she knows I won't like any of the sexual stuff so there really is no appeal for me,like I said you confirmed her assessment.


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