Monday, March 10, 2014

How to Solve the Biggest Relationship Problems

Kick everyone out of your house. LOL I'm kidding. But, now that I have your attention...

How DO you solve the biggest relationship problems? Walk away and forget about it? Drop the other person from your life and move on? Fake it by pretending to be ok with everything when you really aren't? Do whatever it takes just as long as you can avoid confrontation?

Yeah, those are the easy ways out. But they don't do one darn thing for solving the problems. Any of the above choices would merely mask our true feelings and, at some point, whether it takes an hour or twenty years, that mask is going to slide right off your face and all hell is going to break loose. Seriously.

I believe the best thing to do, no matter how uncomfortable or time consuming or painful or whatever it is, is to communicate.

I understand that there are folks out there who make communication virtually impossible. I know people like this. Whenever you talk to these people, they turn it around on you or start yelling at you, maybe they start calling you names. Yeah, they can make you not care to discuss anything with them. At all. EVER.

But, I go ahead and do it anyway. At least you get it out there. It's been said, you've gotten it out and you will feel better. The understanding (or lack thereof) and the willingness (or unwillingness) and the ability to communicate (or inability) is on THEM. Not you

Communication skills are not that diffiicult. All you have to do is share your thoughts/feelings/perspective/ideas/etc. CALMLY and RESPECTFULLY (watch your tone of voice, body language, and your words). And you must be willing to listen to the other person giving feedback just to make sure you truly understand what he/she means.

All too often we jump on the offensive because we believe we are under attack. That's not always the case. Most of the time we simply misunderstand what is really being voiced.

Keeping judgment out of the conversation is also a must. Assuming you know exactly what the other person's problem is and what they're saying just because you've known them forever and a day is not a good idea. People change and so do their thoughts/ideas/opinions/perspective/etc. Having an opinion is fine, but expressing it when someone is trying to share their feelings with you could very well be bad timing on your part. A lot of the time, all someone is doing is wanting someone to listen.

Opening up and sharing our feelings is not easy. When we do,, we make ourselves vulnerable. If someone does open up to us, they are letting us know that they trust us. Calling them names or making them feel stupid let's them know immediately that they cannot trust us. So, on top having problems, they know realize that their relationship with us is not what they thought. Double trouble.

Having that 'I'm right, you're wrong' mentality isn't going to help either. Even if it's true. (I'm kidding, sheesh). Seriously, sporting this attitude will get you nowhere and will make people see you as an arrogant jerk-wad.

Keeping a relationship healthy requires effort. Putting ourselves (our ego/wants/agendas/etc) aside makes that effort just a little bit easier. Even when the other person doesn't do the same for us.

So, do tell, how do y'all solve a relationship problem?


  1. I agree with you. Most problems can be boiled down to communication. For goodness sake - talk to each other!!

  2. I definitely agree. I'm a resolver. I hate a lack of communication even more than I hate healthy confrontation.

  3. Communication is I think the best way to solve anything,it is just hard. Sometimes it tests us at every level and experience and it is something that has to be done. Just never give up.
    I hope you have a lovely week.

  4. You're so right that communication -- and keeping calm -- are key. Too many people strike out verbally in anger or put a stone silence between them and these tactics just cause anger and resentments to build. Sometimes, too, being the first to apologize -- even if you're convinced you're right -- can lead to greater peace and understanding.

  5. I could have written this post or at least part of it. I live with that person who turns everything around and puts it all on me. So I get quiet, time passes and then I try again. After so much time trying to work on this I kinda feel like your first sentence....."kick them out!"

  6. The pres is not much of a communicator so it takes time and patience to get him to reveal feelings...but I know how...thank goodness!!...:)JP

  7. I used to be a people pleaser through and through until I met my husband and he pointed out that of all my friends that I jumped through hoops for - did I get anything in return? Huh. The answer was no. So now I communicate how I feel instead of feeling guilty about doing something I didn't really want in the first place. Make any sense?!

  8. Terri- Well put!

    Judy- I am too. To the point where it drives me NUTS if it isn't resolved.

    Kim- You're right: Just never give up. :)

    Kathy- Notice I didn't mention being the first to apologize? Cause I hate to apologize? LOL

    Debby- I feel like my first sentence every single day.

    JP- That's because you KNOW him. Some people don't take the time to know the other person even though they've been together for 20+ years.

    biz- YES! It makes perfect sense. I feel that way sometimes when I should have just said, "No, I don't want to do that." But instead of guilty, I get angry.


Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! It makes me feel connected to everyone even though we may live far apart! Have a wonderful day!

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