Saturday, January 8, 2011

Blustery Days...and Nights

There are nights that Hubs is late coming home due to one of two things:  overtime at the job or making fuel (some of you may remember that Hubs produces bio-diesel for our cars- he has a fueling station set up in the two car garage behind the house where his mother lived.).  For the most part, when this happens, I don’t mind having the extra ‘alone’ time to read, write or just watch television without someone asking me questions like, “What did he say?”  “Why did she do that?”  But last night was different.  

I woke up yesterday morning with a case of hay fever.  I do suffer with hay fever, usually, twice a year- once in the fall and once in spring.  Most likely, this bout is due to being in the attic getting down the Christmas boxes for the un-decorating process which has yet to commence.  Hay fever is not totally debilitating like the flu, but it does take the wind out of my sails so, the day was slow.  I even took an afternoon nap which is highly unusual for me.  Hubs called to say that he was going to make some fuel after work which was ok with me because, not feeling 100%, I would be able to watch television in bed and relax or drift off to sleep.  I flipped through the channels and ran across a Mel Gibson movie called Edge of Darkness—one of those murder mystery type movies with corruption and conspiracy involved.  One of those movies that I should NOT be watching while all alone with only a nine pound doggie for protection.  During the tense scenes, I flipped the channel, waited for a minute or two, and flipped back to continue watching (I am not one to sit through tense movie moments).  All in all, it was turning out to be a nice, relaxing evening.  Until I heard the noise.  And the mental conversation ensued.

“Oh, there’s Hubs already.”  Wait.  Wait.  Wait.  There was the noise again.  “Why is he having so much trouble with his key?”  Wait. Wait.  Wait.  Wait.  That was one wait too many because I, once again, became engrossed in the movie until-- there it was again.  Mute the sound.  “HOLY CRAP!  What’s he doing at the BACK DOOR?!  He wouldn’t be at the back door! Dial him up. CRAP!  Stupid voice mail lady.  His phone is dead.  Listen carefully.”  Listening….carefully…THERE IT IS AGAIN!  “Peek around the corner.”  Peeking…around…the… corner…wump, wump, wump—my heart is pounding in my ears as I walk in to the dining area and, suddenly, the noise stops.  “Oh S***!  He saw me and stopped trying to get in the door!”  I went back into the bedroom, backwards, at lightning speed.  “Where are all those damn flashlights Hubs bought last month!?  What do I do?  Cry?  NO! NO! NO!  There’s no time for that!  THINK! 911?  NO, if it’s nothing you’ll feel stupid.  I don’t know!  Keep those Criminal Minds episodes out of your thought process (Criminal Minds thoughts suppressed immediately).  Where are all those F***ING FLASHLIGHTS?!?!’  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  The only sound now is the wump, wump, wump of my heart in my ears.  I sneak out into the dining area, secure my key chain which is equipped with one of those darn flashlights and let down the shades on the French doors.  “Ok.  Deep breaths.”  Back to bed.  Television volume just loud enough to barely hear it.  Mel Gibson movie OFF.  Everybody Loves Raymond ON.  WAIT.  Mute television.  “S***!  There it is again!  Maybe it’s that possum that Tucker and one of the dogs next door go in and out of the house 500 times a night to bark at.  NO, that’s just stupid.  A possum isn’t going to try and come in the house via the back door.  Somebody is trying to get in the back door! S***!  S***! S***!”  Tucker is all set to go out there and I’m telling him, “NO!  You are NOT going out there!” in a loud whisper.  I dial up Hubs again thinking that his cell has miraculously charged itself.  Stupid ass voice mail lady again.  I curse Hubs, again.  “I can’t believe that ASS is leaving me here to deal with an intruder all by myself!”  Quiet again.  I venture into the dining area , steal into the kitchen and turn off the light over the kitchen window (which is on the same wall as the back door) and peer out.  The side and back neighbors have spotlights on and I see nothing in the yard.  As I am walking back to the bedroom- THERE’S THE NOISE AGAIN!  I decide that I have to see what’s out there ("And you call the people in those movies stupid when they just have to see what made the noise.").  I walk ever so slowly, step by step to the door.  I reach out my right hand and touch the edge of the shade and carefully, slowly peel the shade back just enough to peer out and THERE’S THE NOISE!  Followed by IMMEDIATE relief and some nervous but relieved laughter.  

During the summer months, Hubs ordered one of those portable screen doors that fasten down the middle with magnets.  It’s great for keeping the summer bugs from coming into the house on days I leave the door open so Tucker can come and go as he pleases.   However, it gets in the way when I want to sneak the door open and snap a picture of the birds at the birdbath or feeders.   A few days ago, I unlatched the top of the right panel so it wouldn’t be in my way.  Last night, the wind was quite blustery and the noise was that f***ing loosened panel hitting the French door.  And, had I not been scared to death, I probably would have felt quite stupid. 

Hubs arrives home not more than 30 minutes later.  

“Hey Sweetie!”  he coos. 
I glare.     
“What’s wrong with you?” he stupidly asks.   
“What’s wrong with ME?! What’s wrong with YOU?! Why weren’t you checking in with me?!  Someone was trying to break into the back door tonight!”  I sort of yelled.

So, what have we learned from all of this?

1.       Hubs should NEVER let his cell die.
2.       Hubs should check in with me when he’s going to be late.
3.       I should never be left alone with only my mind with which to converse.
4.       That screen should come down and only be put up on days when the wind is not present.
5.       I should never, ever again watch any mystery/crime/psychological thriller type movie/television program.


  1. I hope you feel better sweetie. I know it's a drag when your not feeling your best.
    And, don't even worry about the Christmas decorations, we just took ours down today!

  2. OMG...I'm still laughing. That is definitely something I would do when home alone. My heart was even pounding with worry reading it even though I knew you were ok enough to write the blog. Great post.

  3. I'm laughing because this post could have easily been written by me. Whew! Glad you're alright though :0)

  4. I'm glad everything turned out OK. I hate being scared. I don't even watch scary movies anymore; and I used to love them when I was growing up. You need more pooch power at your place. Then if you were home alone you'd feel safer. I have a couple I could lend you for a bit.

  5. Oh my, I thought for sure someone was breaking into your house. Hope your feeling better soon. I would have been calling 911!

  6. Poor Pam. I hope you are feeling better soon. I hope you don't watch any more movies that make your mind wonder. I hope your hubby remembers to charge his cell phone. I hope you feel better soon. Take care and have a great weekend. God Bless!!

  7. Lol Pam you sound as bad as me when it comes to those scary movies! I do hope u get to feeling better and happy belated birthday and thanks for the birthday wishes for my baby sister who shares your birthday. Have a great rest of the weekend. :o)

  8. I am so glad I am not the only one who is attacked when I am alone (at least by my very overly sensitive ears and wild imagination!!!). Found your blog via the over 40 bloghop!

  9. Oh my goodness, you had me on the edge of my chair yelling "CALL 911!!!".
    My daughter had a similar story but her husband was asleep at the time. She was in the kitchen talking with her little boy when she heard someone breaking into their basement. She said she could hear heavy footsteps so she called to her husband screaming that someone was in the basement. He came running from the bedroom, in his skivvies, ball bat in hand, ready to slay the intruder.
    He jumped over my daughter, ran down the stairs to face the intruder.......only to find the washing machine, with it's unbalanced load, walking across the basement floor!

  10. I have a very wild imigation... I have to be very careful what I watchon TV when I am home alone.

  11. This is hilarious. Makes me want to repost one of my very old posts (that no one has read) when my brother got locked outside in his 10 degree weather and I thought it might be an intruder and left him out there for about a half hour. He was in his jammies and barefoot. He was also really pissed. I, too, was trying to ignore the "Intruder" and hope it would just go away. Turns out it was my poor icicled brother. When he thawed out he was really mad. Actually, he still gets angry when the topic comes up and that was twenty five years ago. He can really hold a grudge.

  12. LOL! I can so relate! I had something similar happen once when home alone at night (I too have watched too many suspenseful movies), and it turned out to be a deer so close to the house his antlers were hitting the window! BTW - You are a great suspense writer.

  13. Never, ever watch tense, scary movies alone.
    I once almost shot my brother because he broke into my house during a storm..he was stuck in my town with no ride...I got rid of my gun after that but I'm telling you I know that scary feeling...awful!

  14. LOL Oh my gosh, you should write a novel. You had me on the edge of my chair I'll tell you. Great story, but I wouldn't have been in your shoes for the world, and personally I wouldn't have hesitated to dial 911 or the closest neighbor. I love the way you tell a story. You had the hair standing up on the back my neck girl! I'm so glad you're okay too & you had every right to give hubby what for!!! Shame on him. My hubby calls me all the time when he's gonna be late. He knows I'm a worry wort. Thanks for stopping by to and for the nice comment. Oh check your mail you have a surprise in there. ~hehe~

  15. Oh my gosh...too funny and I needed a chuckle today....

  16. Y'all are all so funny! It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one who has a imaginative mind! I hope I get to read all of your 'scary' stories!

    All of your well wishes seem to be working as I am feeling somewhat better today AND we got the decorations down, packed and put in the attic--thanks to Hubs and the our two college babies!

    Dolly--checked my mail but nothing was there, so far.

    So glad everyone enjoyed the post- y'all are all so encouraging!

  17. That SO sounds like something I would do! I can relate!

  18. Glad you're okay and I hope you're feeling better. I kinda feel sorry for hubs though.

  19. Yes, he makes fuel for our cars with used veggie oil from local restaurants.

    Those active imaginations will get you every time! Hubs and I both got a laugh out of the whole thing...eventually. LOL

  20. Ok, I know you were scared, but this was funny. I've had a similar thing happen to me, although it was our house alarm going off. I hope you are feeling better!

  21. Oh, that was funny! Because it's so true! I became a Dynasty fan because of a similar experience. Couldn't watch Quincy anymore!


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