Saturday, August 30, 2014

The Mistake I Never Want To Make

The third suggestion from Oprah's site of things women should write down before the year ends is: The Mistake You Never Want To Make.

Well, it's a little late for that folks. I've made my mistakes. The big ones. Not that I won't ever make another one but, when all is said and done, I've made the really big ones already and I'm not sure what else is left.

I've taken the low road and the road heavily traveled. I've yelled at my kids when I shouldn't have. I've had bad moods and slammed things around. I've been with the wrong person all these years and suffered through depression and eaten my way through it. I've alienated friends and been a total selfish b*tch. I've told a fib and lived with secrets. I've blamed others for any misfortunes. I've done it all.

And survived.

And no, I haven't done it ALL, but I have survived the mistakes that I have made throughout the years. I still wonder if everyone else survived them.

All I can do now is make suggestions so that others don't make my same mistakes.

1. Taking the high road is not as difficult as you may think. Take it.
2. The road heavily traveled is just going to piss you off and put you in a position to do things you really don't want to do but you'll do them anyway. Take the one less traveled and enjoy the time it gives you for self-reflection.
3. Bite your freaking tongue off. There is nothing your kids do that warrants yelling. All it does is make noise and they aren't listening.  The times I did yell were moments of impatience and exhaustion. It was not easy dealing with four little ones by myself almost all the time. But that is NOT a valid excuse. It was a temper/frustration thing with me that I should never have let happen, me being the adult and all. This wasn't a frequent thing. At least there's that.
4. Don't settle. Do. Not. Settle. EVER. Be patient and wait. It's just not worth it. Once the kids are gone, you'll be left with whatever or whomever you settled for and you will be miserable. MISERABLE. And stuck. Don't do it.
5. Be very aware of you and your situation and maybe you'll be able to recognize any depression that tried to grab a hold of you and turn it around. Or at least get some help. DON'T eat your way through it. You'll feel even worse and turning that around is the hardest thing you'll ever try to do.
6. Don't push your friends away or hold them at arm's length. They're just trying to love you. Don't make it hard for them. And the true ones, listen to them. They are only speaking truth.
7. Why be selfish? Share what you have, and this includes your heart not just material things. If someone needs something and you can give it to them, do it. Stuff is stuff. That's all there is to it. You don't need all the attention either. What will happen is that, when you wake up, you'll resent people who tried to make you the center of attention and enabled your selfishness. And you'll find yourself living with regret which is NO FUN.
8. The fib part is minimal- I don't need all the fingers on both hands to count the number of fibs I've told. BUT, a fib is a fib, so...Just tell it like it is People can't argue with the truth and, if they don't like it, they don't have to listen. But you have to live with yourself.
9. Living with even one secret is bad news. Tell your secret early before it becomes something you've harbored for so long you can't let it go. And should you share it, be careful with whom you share it. They will use it against you. Just tell it. Or don't have one to begin with. People probably don't think as much about it as you think they do. And, if they do hold it against you, who cares?
10. It's no one's fault but my own. It has always been my choice, my decision, my actions that led me down each traveled path. It's very important to realize this. Point that finger in your own direction not at others.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. All of these mistakes have helped make me who I am. And, to be honest, I like me. Now. I didn't for a really long time. But I do now. Of course, I'm hoping that most of you are still on vacation or too busy to read all of this. It's not the easiest thing in the world to expose yourself. But it's out there now.

Maybe things would have been different had Oprah bothered to make this list years ago. that blaming others? ;)

The next topic is much lighter, that goodness.

Any mistakes out there?


  1. Mistakes? Sure. We all make them. It's interesting how we go through different times/phases of our lives. Then we have to carry around everything from all our travels. I'm glad you are at a point where you like you. I like you too, my friend. You're okay in my book!

  2. Patrice- Thank you. You are too kind! I am good with me now. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to future mistakes. LOL Hope all is well up there. Is your weather changing? Ours is not. Sadly.

  3. Excellent points! I agree with the yelling, I am quick to anger and thankfully there are a few bad ones that my kids can laugh about now.

  4. Debby- Thanks. I did mellow out while they were still young but I can remember every time I did yell. And it's not pretty.

  5. This is something very neat to do and I might try to write in my journal using these questions. I went back to see the other posts you've done. Mistakes? More than I like to think about. I look forward not back....most of the time! Enjoy your weekend sweet friend! Hugs!

  6. Dreamer- Here's the link if you want to see all of them:
    I try to look forward as well. Some days though, I get stuck in the past. Thanks! Looking forward to a no school Monday. :)

  7. It's hard to right a truly honest post, so kudos to you for that! Mistakes? Yes. Lots. But you're right, those wrongs are what shape us into who we are and hopefully we learn a thing or two along the way and are stronger or better for it. I'll have to check out Oprah's article. Sounds like good introspection stuff.

  8. Wow, really loved this post!. I think you can't have lived any amount of time and never made a mistake, unless your name is Jesus. I am truly sorry to read about the things you settled for, you're right, it's never worth it. My mistakes have been many and rather large, however, the biggest one, I haven't made, and I thank God for it. Remember when I left my husband? That was a pretty awful time, and I'm terribly thankful to the Lord for having stopped me before I went too far. Though we still fight, and we have some doozies, I know he's the love of my life, and I will probably never remarry, should he die before me.
    Does he have defects? I don't have enough fingers and toes to count them all, and I'm sure he can say the same about me. But, in all this time, I've learned to differentiate the things I can live with from the things I won't put up with, and I let him know what those things are. I do think that not having had any kids, has helped our marriage in a way, though I would have loved to have at least one.
    You're not too old to right the wrongs you made or stop settling, for anything you no longer want....

  9. Lori- I hope I've learned those lessons. LOL If you want to see the list, the link is at the top of this post. Thanks for commenting! :)

    Alessandra- I'm glad you made the discovery before it was too late. I made mine after. Well, in a way. I think, in the back of my mind, I knew I was settling. But I went forward anyway. Now, I am paying the price. Thank goodness for blogging and bloggy friends, like yourself, and Tucker and the lovelies and my job and the wonderful friends at school! When you look at all that, I am truly blessed! :)

  10. LOVE THIS!!!!! Yeppers, just love it.... I have a 17 & 12 y/o and the oldest has pushed every button and I have YELLED!!! Urgh, we talk more now, but boy was that a rough patch. The 12 y/o was going that way the other week and I sat with her and said, remember when your sister did this and I yelled? She said yes, and I said I will not be doing that, i will be dishing consequences, so you do this again and here is the consequence. Wow, mum you learned, didn't you? Yes I did...... Save my sanity, I did..... Thanks for such a great post!!!

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